It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
