somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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