im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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