remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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