Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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