The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
