how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
