You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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