great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize