i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
