fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
