i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
