its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
