There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
