the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
