and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
