I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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