I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
