so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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