It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
