Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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