Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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