3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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