How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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