Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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