remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
