Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize