I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize