Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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