I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
