It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
