Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
