I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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