I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
