I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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