You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
