he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Let's get the cat blown out
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
