this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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