last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
