his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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