im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
