can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
