I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
