Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
