I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize