and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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