Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
