Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
