You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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