the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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