just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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