My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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