I wish I could punch you in the face.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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