i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
