it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
