I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
