I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
