...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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