remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
