I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
