Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
