There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
3pm strippers are depressing
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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