I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
