Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
