Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
