I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
True strength comes from lack of pants
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
