We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
