never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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