If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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