Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Found the puke drawer
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
