doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
