I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
