hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
