Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize