I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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