Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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