period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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