No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
