Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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