the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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