She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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