my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize