ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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