Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize