i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
