answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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