she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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