you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
