I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
