I love black thongs
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
