I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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