and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
