The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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