After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
