why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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