Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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