How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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