im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
