i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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