dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
