Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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